When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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