I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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