You just made me feel so damn special
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
