you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
