There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
