it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
