She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
