I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
