Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
