Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Every concussion has its silver lining
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
