How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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