Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
