Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
