Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Use "feeling words"
Yay
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
