She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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