Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just forgot I was standing up.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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