ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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