so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
