she looked like the bat from fern gully.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
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Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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