So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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