Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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