piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
