I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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