is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
