Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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