She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
