I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
