He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
