She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
