I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
