i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
