just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
