You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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