The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
