Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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