6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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