Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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