we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
