rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
