I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
