garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
