I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
