i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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