Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
