Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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