I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
