we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
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