The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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