nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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