When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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