So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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