you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
