i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
There r osticjed everywhere
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
