my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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