So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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