I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
