I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
