Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
