Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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