I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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