im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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