He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
