i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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