I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
