I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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