Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
