3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
