You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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